Five Most Important Things in Life

When we were travelling this summer, my son asked me an interesting question. "What are the five most important things in life?" he said. I was floored momentarily. We have not had many serious conversations since he turned 14! But I tried to answer as we buzzed along I-85 in North Carolina.

First, I said, is Love. Not romance, or cuddly-love, but the kind of love that lasts. The love that cleans up vomit in the middle of the night, and changes diapers, and provides a shoulder to cry on even when we're busy. The love that endures slights, and bad days, and the friction of living with people for years. The love that celebrates others' successes, and wishes the world well, and sacrifices in the name of all that is good and great.

Next, I said, is Loyalty. Loyalty is akin to love, but not the same thing. It is the essence of friendship and partnership and family and community. Loyalty is the will to stand by someone even when that person is in trouble, or being disagreeable, or suffering. Loyalty is believing enough in someone or something to act on their/its behalf without regard for one's own comfort. Loyalty is stick-to-it-ness, and it nurtures relationships and principles and values.

After that, I thought, would come Virtue. Virtue is the will to do good in every situation. What can I do that will make this situation even better? How can I act in a positive way? What would be the loving and kind and caring thing to do? Virtue improves the person who exercises it, and improves the world around those people.

Then, I said, we need Pleasure. Pleasure is the spring of all human action. I suppose that I could use the word Joy here, but I don't want to leave the body out of the discussion. Physical pleasures are important too. We need to touch and to be touched. We need to eat and drink, and to enjoy sustaining the life that beats within us. We need to feel the sensations of the world around us. These pleasures are vital. But we also need to find pleasure in good ideas, in good work, in doing good. Pleasure gives us hope, and makes belief possible. Pleasure engages our attention, and makes great work possible. When we learn to take pleasure in virtue, and loyalty, and lasting love, we harness the greatest force of our life in the service of all that's good.

And finally, to be able to enjoy the benefits of the first four things, and to cultivate them, we need Patience. Life doesn't give us what we want when we want it. Life doesn't make things easy, or quick, or painless. Relationships are slow work. Teaching and learning are slow work. Building a community, or a house, or a new way of life, is slow work. Patience is walking one step at a time, keeping attention on the work at hand. Patience is stopping work long enough to relax and renew one's will to go on. Patience is not straining to finish, but finding satisfaction in each little success along the way. Patience is letting time do its work rather than trying to outrace time itself.

So those were the five things, I thought. Five most important things. Five of many, of course.